The post Goldie Hawn, Ray Romano and More Stars Share Their Grandparenting Rules first appeared on Crafting Your Home.
Being a grandparent comes with one of life’s most interesting role changes: you get all the love, excitement, and special moments, but you are no longer the person making every parenting decision. The trick is finding the sweet spot between being the “fun grandparent” and being the trusted, supportive adult every family needs.
Many famous grandparents have shared their own approaches, and while their experiences are personal rather than a one-size-fits-all guide, they reveal a common theme: great grandparenting is less about taking charge and more about building connection.
Take Goldie Hawn, who has spoken about her approach with her eight grandchildren. Her philosophy is simple: love deeply, bring joy, but respect the parents’ role. She has said that she and Kurt Russell give their adult children “full autonomy” and that she is “not the boss.” Instead, she wants to be someone who brings happiness and offers an ear when needed.
That idea may be the modern grandparent’s golden rule: support without taking over.
Be the cheerleader, not the referee
One of the biggest challenges grandparents face is knowing when to offer advice and when to simply be present. Katie Couric described her own “grandmother rule” as not telling her daughter what to do. She explained that she trusts her daughter’s parenting and stays quiet unless she’s asked for guidance.
This is not about grandparents having nothing valuable to contribute. Quite the opposite. Grandparents often bring decades of experience, patience, and perspective. The difference is in how that wisdom is shared.
A helpful question before giving advice is: “Do they want my opinion, or do they just want me to listen?”
Sometimes the greatest gift is not a solution. It is a calm, supportive person who says, “I’m here.”
Make joy part of the job description
Grandparents have a unique opportunity to bring lightness into family life. Hawn has described her role around “happiness, joy, the joy of life, playfulness, being there.” She has also shared ordinary details, like making breakfast for grandchildren and adjusting meals to suit their preferences.
That is an important reminder: connection is often built through small routines, not expensive experiences.
A weekly pancake breakfast, a regular phone call, a shared hobby, or a bedtime story can become a family tradition that children remember for years.
Martha Stewart has taken a similar approach by focusing on shared discovery. She has talked about wanting to take her grandchildren to places where they can experience new things together, not just as a guide, but as someone enjoying the wonder alongside them.
The best grandparents are often not the ones saying, “Let me teach you everything.” They are the ones saying, “Show me what you love.”
Fun does not mean ignoring boundaries
Many grandparents enjoy being the person who says yes a little more often. Snoop Dogg has joked about being the “can can” man with grandchildren, the one who allows treats and extra fun. He has also described grandparents as a safe space where children can share secrets and feel loved.
That playful role can be wonderful, but it works best alongside respect for the parents’ rules.
Food, bedtime, screen use, allergies, safety practices, and health routines are areas where grandparents and parents need to work together. Family specialists emphasize clear conversations about expectations, including visits, food, television, screens, and household boundaries.
A special treat is usually just that, special. It should not become a source of conflict between generations.
Pass down values, not pressure
Grandparents often become the keepers of family stories, traditions, and values. Goldie Hawn has spoken about encouraging grandchildren to work hard, stay compassionate, and remain realistic, while also accepting that they must solve their own problems.
This is a powerful distinction. Passing down wisdom does not mean controlling the next generation’s choices.
Tell the stories only you can tell. Share family recipes, explain where traditions came from, teach a craft, show old photographs, or talk about lessons learned from your own experiences.
Children do not need a perfect grandparent. They need a real person who helps them understand where they came from.
Quality matters more than quantity
Research suggests that warm grandparent-grandchild relationships are associated with positive developmental outcomes, although the relationship is complex and does not mean grandparents alone cause better outcomes. Family circumstances, parenting relationships, resources, and the child’s individual needs all matter.
Another important finding is that the relationship between parents and grandparents matters. Research on intergenerational coparenting suggests that cooperation and respect between generations are linked with stronger child outcomes, including social competence and attachment-related measures.
In other words, being involved is wonderful, but being involved in a way that supports the whole family is even better.
The grandparenting rulebook in a nutshell
Be present. Ask questions. Listen more than you lecture. Create traditions. Learn the child’s interests. Respect the parents’ decisions. Offer help that is sustainable. Bring laughter, stories, and kindness.
The role of a grandparent is not to raise a child a second time. It is to add another layer of love, stability, and connection.
The most memorable grandparents are not remembered because they had all the answers. They are remembered because children felt seen, valued, and loved when they were with them.
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- 8 Grandparent Behaviors That Damage Family Relationships
- 11 Old-School Rules Younger Americans Are Refusing To Follow
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