6 signs you have a relationship with God, not just a religious routine
Sitting in a pew while mentally planning your Chipotle order feels totally normal for many of us. A recent Pew Research Center study reveals that 28% of U.S. adults now identify as religiously unaffiliated, yet the majority still believe in a higher power. This massive shift highlights a specific trend where people crave genuine connection rather than just following a rulebook. We often mistake attendance for affection.
Real faith looks different than a checklist. Dr. Harold Koenig from Duke University notes that intrinsic religious commitment correlates with lower stress levels, unlike extrinsic habit. So how do you know if you possess the real deal? Here are the signs you have a relationship with God, not just a religious routine.
Your motivation shifts from “have to” to “get to”
If you treat God like a cosmic vending machine; insert morality coins, select blessing, you’re stuck in a routine. Theologian Tim Keller nailed this distinction: Religion argues, “I obey, therefore I am accepted,” while the Gospel declares, “I am accepted, therefore I obey”. This shift moves you from an employee working for a wage to a child trusting a parent.
Psychologist Gordon Allport defined this as “Extrinsic” versus “Intrinsic” faith. Extrinsic folks use religion for social perks (boring!), while Intrinsic believers live it because they love it. If you wake up thinking, “I get to talk to the Creator” rather than “I have to read my chapter or God will smite me,” you’ve crossed the line into relationship.
You stop reciting a script and start spilling the tea
Remember the “morning checklist”? You read a devotional, check the box, and ignore God until bedtime. That isn’t a relationship; that’s a subscription service. An authentic relationship shows up in how you pray. Research confirms that “ritual prayer” (reciting lines) has zero correlation with happiness, but “colloquial prayer” (talking to God like a friend) drastically boosts mental well-being.
I used to pray in King James English because I thought it impressed God (spoiler: it didn’t). Now, I just talk. Francis Chan argues that people obsessed with God remain “raw” and don’t mask their ugliness. Real intimacy means you feel safe enough to complain, cry, and be vulnerable. God can handle your drama.
You embrace the mess instead of faking perfection
Religious routines love masks. We dress up, smile, and pretend our lives aren’t falling apart. But Brené Brown drops a truth bomb here: “Faith minus vulnerability equals politics, or worse, extremism”. If your spiritual life focuses entirely on compliance and looking the part, it’s dead on arrival.
A sign of a real relationship involves knowing you’re “more sinful than you ever dared believe” yet “more loved than you ever dared hope”. You stop hiding. You realize that grace isn’t a prize for the perfect; it’s a hospital for the broken.
Your identity isn’t a house of cards built on performance
In a routine, your self-worth yo-yos up and down based on how well you follow the rules. Did you swear in traffic? You’re trash. Did you tithe? You’re a saint. This “performance-based” identity causes massive anxiety and judgment.
In a relationship, your identity remains secure. You know you are a “Beloved Child,” period. You don’t freak out over legalistic debates, like the guy who refused to attend a church because women wore shorts there (true story, and ridiculous). You know God cares about your heart, not your rule-keeping score.
You actually connect with people (even the weird ones)
“Consumer Christians” shop for churches as they shop for shoes, looking for the best fit with the least commitment. But a relationship with God inevitably draws you into His messy family.
Gen Z gets this; they aren’t looking for a polished show, they want mentorship and connection. If you bear with others’ burdens and annoyances rather than ghosting at the first sign of conflict, you possess love, not just an attendance record.
You thrive in the fire instead of burning out
Routine crumbles under pressure. When life hits the fan, the “routine” believer quits because they feel God breached the contract (“I was good, so give me good stuff”). This entitlement leads to spiritual burnout, exhaustion from “doing” rather than “connecting”.
A relationship is antifragile; it strengthens under pressure. As Dallas Willard famously said, “Don’t Try—Train”. You don’t survive by white-knuckling it; you survive because you’ve trained in the quiet moments to trust His presence.
Key Takeaway
The data is clear: the era of cultural Christianity is over. What remains is a choice between a hollow routine that leads to burnout or a vibrant relationship that leads to life. IMO, the trade-off is worth it. Stop checking boxes and start seeking His face.
Read the Original Article on Crafting Your Home.
