5 Things You Should Never Say to Someone With Anxiety

Anxiety is a pervasive mental health challenge that affects millions of people worldwide, yet the understanding and empathy surrounding it are often lacking. One of the biggest hurdles people with anxiety face is how others respond to their struggles. While it’s natural to want to offer comfort and solutions, some common responses can actually make the situation worse.

Understanding what not to say to someone with anxiety—and, more importantly, what to say instead—can make a world of difference. In this article, we’ll explore five things you should never say to someone experiencing anxiety and provide alternatives that can offer support and understanding.

Why Do People Say the Wrong Things to Those with Anxiety?

Anxiety can manifest in various ways, from constant worrying about everyday events to more severe panic attacks. Despite its widespread nature, many people do not know how to react when someone opens up about their anxiety. This lack of understanding can lead to well-meaning, but ultimately harmful, comments that dismiss or invalidate the person’s feelings.

While it’s important to approach each situation with empathy, it’s also crucial to recognize that certain phrases—often used to comfort or “fix” the situation—can unintentionally minimize the struggles of those with anxiety. Let’s take a deeper dive into five common phrases you should avoid, and explore more compassionate alternatives.

“Look on the Bright Side!”

Telling someone with anxiety to “look on the bright side” or “could be worse” might seem like positive encouragement, but it does the opposite. For someone grappling with anxiety, their fears feel very real and consuming. Dismissing these fears with platitudes only serves to invalidate their emotions, leaving them feeling ashamed or misunderstood.

Anxiety is not just about having negative thoughts; it’s an intense emotional and physical experience. When someone’s concerns are minimized in this way, it can increase their sense of isolation and make them hesitate to share their feelings in the future. This kind of response often stems from a desire to “fix” the situation, but it ignores the complex reality of living with anxiety.

A far more supportive approach is to acknowledge the anxiety and express empathy. For example, you could say, “That sounds really tough, I understand why you’re feeling anxious.” Reflecting their feelings helps them feel heard and validated. This simple act of recognition can be far more helpful than trying to immediately shift their focus to a positive outcome.

“Calm Down.”

The phrase “calm down” is often said in a moment of frustration or confusion when you don’t fully understand what the person is experiencing. However, this is one of the least effective things you can say to someone having an anxiety attack. Anxiety doesn’t just go away with a simple instruction; in fact, it can make the person feel even more misunderstood and helpless.

When someone is in the middle of an anxiety episode, their mind may be racing, their body may be tense, and they could be struggling with feelings of panic or fear. Telling them to calm down is not only dismissive, but it also implies that they should have control over their feelings when, in reality, they are experiencing a deep emotional and physical reaction.

Instead of saying “calm down,” try asking if they would like help with grounding exercises. You could suggest something like, “Would it help if we did some breathing exercises together?” This offers them a practical way to manage their anxiety and shows that you’re actively engaged in helping them.

“You’re Probably Overthinking It.”

People with anxiety often know, on some level, that their worries are exaggerated or irrational. However, this does not make their anxiety any less intense. Telling someone they are “overthinking it” can make them feel criticized or that their feelings aren’t valid.

Anxiety leads individuals to engage in “what-if” thinking, constantly anticipating worst-case scenarios. While these thoughts may not be based on facts, they are deeply felt, and dismissing them can increase feelings of guilt or shame. It’s important to understand that what might seem like overthinking to you can feel like an overwhelming reality to the person experiencing it.

Instead of telling them they are overthinking, help them explore the situation with a more rational perspective. You might say, “I understand why that worries you, but do you think there’s a chance things might not turn out the way you expect?” This gently invites them to consider alternative outcomes without invalidating their feelings.

This approach helps them reframe their thinking and provides a more balanced view of the situation. Rather than focusing on the “irrationality” of their thoughts, you’re helping them address the underlying fear compassionately.

“I Know How You Feel.”

Although it’s tempting to share your own experiences with anxiety in an attempt to show empathy, saying “I know how you feel” and then proceeding to talk about your own struggles can sometimes come off as dismissive. It shifts the conversation away from their needs and centers it around your own experiences, which can feel invalidating to someone who is struggling.

While sharing your own experiences may help build trust, it’s essential to avoid minimizing their feelings by making the conversation all about you. In these moments, they need your full attention and support.

If you want to share your own experiences, ensure that it doesn’t overshadow their feelings. After listening to them, you can say, “I get anxious about things like that too. If you want, I can share some things that have helped me.” This way, you’re offering your perspective without overshadowing theirs. And if they want to hear your story, they’ll ask.

“I Don’t Have Time for This.”

While everyone has moments when they’re too busy or overwhelmed to listen, telling someone with anxiety that you don’t have time for them can be hurtful. It implies that their feelings are unimportant or a burden, which can increase their sense of isolation. For someone with anxiety, rejection can feel even more intense, and it can make them reluctant to open up in the future.

Instead of shutting down the conversation, offer a more compassionate response. You might say, “I really want to help you, but I’m not in the best space to talk right now. Can we chat later?” This lets them know that you care, but you also need to prioritize your own well-being at the moment. It shows respect for both their needs and your boundaries.

Conclusion

Supporting someone with anxiety requires patience, empathy, and understanding. By being mindful of the language we use, we can create a space where they feel heard, validated, and safe. Avoiding common phrases like “calm down,” “look on the bright side,” and “you’re overthinking it” can make a significant difference in how someone with anxiety feels. Instead, focus on validation, active listening, and offering helpful suggestions when appropriate.

Above all, remember that anxiety is a complex and personal experience. By offering thoughtful responses and showing genuine care, you can provide invaluable support to those who need it most. Together, we can create a world where people with anxiety feel understood and empowered to manage their mental health with confidence.

Read the original article on crafting your home