7 grievances the truly intelligent skip
In a world where everyone seems busy chasing approval and getting stuck in the past, the truly intelligent know how to avoid certain traps. Research has shown that individuals with higher emotional intelligence appear to have better psychological well-being and academic performance.
According to a 2023 study published in BMC Psychology, emotional regulation and letting go of grudges may improve cognitive function and enhance decision-making. They don’t waste energy on habits that drain them. They know that fixation on what others think or holding onto resentment slows momentum. A 2023 Psychology Today poll found that about 69% of U.S. adults admit to having a grudge, even though about 70% agreed it harms their health.
That’s a significant mismatch. Smart people skip that. They veer away from endless comparing, needless arguing, blaming others, and other habits that sap mental clarity. Let’s look at the seven grievances sidestepped by the smartest among us.
Constantly seeking approval
Many fall into the habit of always seeking validation, but it does not provide long-term satisfaction or growth. Knowledgeable people realize that seeking approval from others is emotionally draining and can be quite unproductive. They know that absolute confidence must come from self-acceptance, not from external praise.
Studies provide evidence that those who keep seeking validation are the ones who exhibit high levels of anxiety and insecurity. In 2022, one study exposed the fact that those who are more vulnerable to social comparisons are highly prone to self-esteem problems and other mental health concerns.
Rather than investing energy in worrying about what others think of them, knowledgeable individuals focus on their personal goals, which in turn enables them to make choices based on their values and desires. Approval chasing involves handing control over happiness to someone else. Intelligent individuals avoid this because they know that deep contentment comes from within, rather than from someone else’s approval.
Holding grudges
Holding a grudge is one silent mental killer that steals your peace and drains your energy. Intelligent people know this and make it a point in their lives to forgive or let go of the resentment. Research has shown that holding onto anger or bitterness can raise stress levels and negatively impact physical health.
According to a report by Psychology Today dated 2023, people unable to forgive their offenders have higher anxiety and depression, and even chronic pain. In reverse, letting go of grudges has been linked to better heart health, lower stress, and a more resilient mindset.
Knowledgeable people also realize that holding grudges is not only emotionally draining but also distracts one from personal growth. By choosing to forgive, they unclutter the mental baggage that prevents them from devoting more attention to what really matters: progress and self-development. Forgiveness, instead of resentment, fuels their mental clarity and allows them to move forward with a lighter heart.
Complaining about circumstances
When life gives them a hard time, most people fall into the trap of complaining. The truly intelligent know, however, that complaining will never get them anything resolved. They understand that talking about problems but not building solutions wastes valuable time and energy.
Studies have shown that people who complain a lot tend to experience lower levels of happiness and lower life satisfaction. According to a 2023 study by GE Editing, people with high emotional intelligence adapt better to adversity because they tend to focus on practical solutions rather than dwelling on the issue at hand. Intelligent people focus on what they can change, rather than what they cannot. This helps them stay productive and look forward rather than dwell on frustrations.
Rather than staying stuck in frustration, they seek ways to improve their situation and learn from the experience. Without complaining, they maintain a positive outlook and use their energy to drive progress, not stagnation.
Comparing themselves to others
Comparing ourselves to others is common — and unhealthy. The truly intelligent recognize that comparison breeds insecurity and diverts their attention from their own personal growth. Indeed, studies confirm that constant comparison to others can lead to feelings of inadequacy and lower self-esteem.
For instance, a 2023 study featured in Psychology Today found that social comparison on platforms like Instagram leads to a decline in body image and self-worth. Even worse, a 2024 report from The Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology revealed that comparing yourself to others on social media is strongly linked to higher rates of anxiety and depression.
Smart people avoid this habit because they know everyone’s journey is different. They don’t compare themselves to others; instead, they focus on their progress and the milestones they’ve achieved. By removing the need for comparison, they protect their mental well-being and preserve their self-worth, allowing them to grow without distractions.
Arguing to “win” every debate
Arguing to win will get a person nowhere. Intelligent people know that debates are for furthering understanding, not for winning over the other guy. A 2023 study published by Mind Help emphasized that intelligent people listen and understand rather than try to prove a point.
Such a mindset paves the way for healthy, fruitful discussions wherein both learn and grow. Arguments that center around winning tend to create unnecessary tension and, in the worst cases, can ruin relationships. When individuals argue to win, they forfeit an excellent opportunity to understand other perspectives, which in turn suppresses personal growth.
Smart people avoid this habit simply because they know it is better to have a conversation that fosters mutual respect and learning than to have one where both sides end up entrenched against each other. Forgoing the need to “win” every debate creates an atmosphere where intelligent people can collaborate and understand one another.
Dwelling on past mistakes
Everyone makes mistakes, but smart people know that not dwelling on them is essential to moving forward. Studies have shown that individuals who constantly dwell on past mistakes often experience higher stress levels and are less resilient when new challenges arise. According to GE Editing, knowledgeable people see setbacks as opportunities for learning rather than dwelling on regret.
They know that mistakes are part of life, and that reflecting on what went wrong, learning from those experiences, and moving on is where actual personal growth lies. A 2025 National Institutes of Health study found that people with high emotional intelligence bounce back from failure more quickly because they focus on solutions and take responsibility for their actions.
Rather than rehashing the past ad infinitum, smart people channel their energy into making present improvements and planning for the future. Dwelling on mistakes does not offer any advantages; learning from them and applying those lessons to improve is the key to success.
Blaming others for setbacks
Blaming others for your setbacks is a defense mechanism, but it really weakens personal growth in the long run. Intelligent individuals take full responsibility for their actions and mistakes; they know that owning up to them is a sign of strength, not weakness. In fact, research from Mind Help shows that people with a sense of personal responsibility feel much more self-efficacious– that is, they believe they have much more control over their lives and are more capable of influencing events that happen around them.
On the other hand, blaming others deprives them of the precious chance to grow and learn from what happened. According to a 2023 Harvard Health report, those who accuse others are less likely to develop problem-solving skills and are more likely to feel helpless.
The most brilliant individuals realize that setbacks are part of life and, instead of casting blame, seek to understand what they could have done to improve their performance. Taking responsibility for mistakes doesn’t mean one has to beat themselves up over it; it simply means embracing an opportunity to grow and become better.
Key Takeaway
The brilliant people also avoid seven things that drain mental and emotional energy: seeking approval, holding grudges, complaining, comparing themselves to others, arguing to win, dwelling on past mistakes, and blaming others for setbacks. Instead, their focus is on self-worth, forgiveness, adaptability, personal growth, and responsibility.
These habits foster mental clarity, resilience, and overall success. By adopting these habits, they move forward with a stronger sense of purpose and live a more fulfilling, productive life.
