6 Phrases Narcissists Use When They’re Pretending to Apologize
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Apologies are meant to heal wounds, to acknowledge pain, and to restore trust. But when narcissists apologize, their words often fall flat, leaving you more confused and hurt than before.
These insincere apologies are not about reconciliation; they are manipulative tactics designed to avoid accountability while making you feel responsible for the fallout.
Let’s dive into six common phrases narcissists use when they’re pretending to apologize.
“I’m sorry you feel that way”
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This phrase is a masterclass in manipulation. Instead of expressing regret for their actions, the narcissist shifts the focus onto your feelings. They aren’t sorry for what they did; they’re sorry that you feel hurt. In essence, it’s a way to deflect blame and invalidate your emotions. A true apology would acknowledge their role in causing pain, but this phrase makes it clear that your emotional response is the real issue.
Example:
“I’m sorry you feel neglected, but you know how busy I’ve been lately.”
Here, the narcissist avoids taking responsibility for their actions and instead blames your emotional reaction for being the problem. It’s an attempt to make you feel as though your hurt feelings are unreasonable.
“I apologize if I did something wrong.”
By inserting “if,” this phrase casts doubt on the very idea that they’ve done anything wrong at all. The narcissist is offering a conditional apology that makes you question whether their actions actually harmed you. It’s not an apology for a specific behavior but rather an open-ended statement that shifts the burden onto you to prove that they’ve done something wrong.
Example:
“I apologize if you think I took your idea, but we’re all on the same team here.”
This statement questions the validity of your feelings while offering a weak apology. The use of “if” leaves the door open for them to claim they didn’t do anything wrong in the first place.
“I’m sorry, but you made me do it”
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This is the classic “blame-shifting” technique. In this scenario, the narcissist acknowledges their behavior but immediately turns the tables by saying it was your fault. They’re not apologizing for their actions but instead for how you supposedly made them act. This phrase is a clear attempt to avoid personal responsibility by putting the blame squarely on you.
Example:
“I’m sorry I yelled, but you pushed my buttons.”
This phrase seeks to absolve the narcissist of any accountability by claiming that their actions were a direct result of your behavior, not their own choices. It’s a way of making you feel guilty for their outburst.
“I’m sorry, but you’re too sensitive”
This phrase is particularly insidious because it simultaneously offers a fake apology while undermining your emotional experience. Instead of taking responsibility for their actions, the narcissist shifts the blame to you, suggesting that your feelings are the issue. This tactic is often used to gaslight you into doubting your own emotional reactions and to absolve them of guilt.
Example:
“I’m sorry, but you’re being too sensitive about this.”
In this case, the narcissist is minimizing the harm they’ve caused by accusing you of overreacting, rather than acknowledging their role in the situation. It’s a way of turning the apology into an attack on your character.
“Fine, I’m sorry, okay?”
When a narcissist says this, it’s clear they are not interested in actually repairing the relationship. Instead of a thoughtful apology, this is a dismissive attempt to close the conversation as quickly as possible. The tone is often exasperated, implying that your need for an apology is an inconvenience to them. This phrase reduces the apology to a mere formality, with no real effort to understand or make amends for the harm done.
Example:
“Fine, I said I’m sorry. Can we just move on now?”
This phrase is an attempt to rush through the apology without any genuine remorse or understanding of the damage caused. It’s less about healing and more about ending the conversation on their terms.
“Mistakes were made”
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This is the quintessential passive-aggressive apology, where the narcissist acknowledges something went wrong but refuses to take personal responsibility. The phrase “mistakes were made” is intentionally vague and avoids specifying who made the mistake. It’s a non-apology that lets them sidestep accountability while offering a surface-level acknowledgment that something went wrong.
Example:
“Mistakes were made in the handling of the situation.”
Notice how there’s no “I” in this statement? The narcissist distances themselves from the issue by using the passive voice, making it seem like the mistake happened on its own without anyone directly involved.
Conclusion
These phrases may sound like apologies, but in reality, they are manipulative tactics that narcissists use to avoid taking responsibility for their actions. Recognizing them is crucial to protecting your emotional well-being. A true apology requires accountability, understanding, and a commitment to change; anything less is simply a tactic to maintain control and avoid consequences.
If you hear these phrases from someone in your life, it’s time to reassess that relationship. A genuine apology should leave you feeling heard and validated, not confused or invalidated. Trust your instincts and remember: you deserve real accountability, not a performance.
Emma Flavia is a lifestyle writer who blends storytelling, psychology, and digital creativity to explore how people live, think, and connect in the modern world. Her work captures the rhythm of human behavior, from mental wellness and intentional living to social trends and digital culture.
Emma also designs infographics and visual stories that simplify complex ideas into engaging, shareable content. Her background in communication and digital media allows her to combine research, narrative, and design in a way that resonates with today’s visual-first audience.
When she’s not writing, Emma enjoys nature walks, creating minimalist digital art, experimenting with color palettes, and watching documentaries about human behavior and design.
