This article was originally published on Crafting Your Home. A human contributor also wrote and edited the post.
The saying “opposites attract” is familiar in American culture, but research suggests that long-term couples are often more alike than different.
A large international analysis included U.S. data and examined more than 130 traits among millions of couples. Researchers found that partners were similar in 82 percent to 89 percent of the traits studied. The strongest similarities involved education, social attitudes and substance-use habits.
Americans Often Prefer Similar Partners
A Monmouth University Polling Institute survey found that six in 10 Americans believed partners should generally be similar. About one in three said partners should be more different.
The survey suggests that many Americans do not necessarily want a partner who is their complete opposite. They may prefer someone who shares their values but still has a different personality or set of interests.
For example, two partners may agree about honesty, family responsibilities, and finances while enjoying different hobbies.
Political Views Are Often Shared
Political attitudes are among the traits that frequently align between American spouses. Research involving more than 5,000 married couples in the United States found that partners commonly shared similar social and political views.
Political agreement does not guarantee a successful marriage, and political differences do not automatically doom a relationship. However, beliefs about government, religion, family life and social issues can influence everyday conversations and major decisions.
Couples who disagree politically may need to establish boundaries around news, voting, family discussions, and friendships.
Education Can Bring People Together
Education is another area in which U.S. couples often show similarity. People with comparable educational backgrounds may meet through the same schools, workplaces, or professional networks.
Shared education can also create common experiences and expectations about employment, income, communication, and lifestyle.
This does not mean people with different educational backgrounds cannot have successful relationships. It simply reflects a broad pattern in how people meet and choose partners.
Similarity May Make Daily Life Easier
Couples with comparable expectations may find it easier to organize daily life. They may agree about how much to spend, how often to socialize, where to live and how much independence each person needs.
A U.S. study of older adults found that similarity in core values, including child-rearing, spending and religion, can be particularly important in long-term relationships.
These areas often shape repeated decisions, so disagreements can become stressful when partners have very different expectations.
Differences Still Have a Place
The research does not mean couples should share every trait. Differences in personality, hobbies, and skills may add interest and balance.
One partner may enjoy planning while the other is spontaneous. One may like social gatherings while the other prefers quiet evenings. These differences can work well when both people respect each other and agree on important values.
The problem is not difference itself. The problem is an inability to discuss differences without contempt, pressure, or repeated conflict.
Attraction Is Different From Compatibility
