The Share of Men With No Close Friends Has Jumped Since 1990: 7 Ways Men Are Rebuilding Friendships

The post The Share of Men With No Close Friends Has Jumped Since 1990: 7 Ways Men Are Rebuilding Friendships first appeared on Crafting Your Home.

Friendships can become harder to maintain as adulthood gets busier. Careers, relationships, children, moving to new cities, and changing routines can all make the casual connections of younger years harder to preserve.

For some men, that can eventually mean having very few people they consider close friends.

Research from the American Perspectives Survey has documented a substantial change in men’s reported friendship patterns over recent decades. In 2021, 15% of men said they had no close friends, compared with 3% in 1990, according to data summarized by the Survey Center on American Life. The share reporting 10 or more close friends also declined during that period.

The numbers don’t mean every man is lonely, and a small social circle isn’t automatically a problem. But they do highlight a broader shift in how some men maintain friendships.

The good news is that rebuilding a social circle doesn’t necessarily require starting from scratch. Often, it begins with doing more of the ordinary things that bring people together.

Bring back the regular hangout.

A couple enjoying a tender moment together, lying casually at home, exuding warmth and love. — Image Credit: cottonbro studio/Pexels

Friendships often become stronger through repetition.

Instead of waiting for everyone to be available for a major weekend trip, some men are bringing back simple, recurring plans: watching a game together, grabbing coffee on Saturday morning, playing cards, or meeting for dinner once a month.

The activity doesn’t have to be elaborate. The important part is creating a predictable opportunity to see one another.

Join a recreational team.

Sports can provide a built-in reason to meet people regularly.

A recreational football, basketball, tennis, or running group can introduce you to people you might not otherwise meet. The shared activity also takes some of the pressure off making conversation from scratch.

For someone rebuilding their social life after a move or major life change, a recurring group activity can provide a useful starting point.

Reconnect with old friends.

Not every friendship needs rebuilding from zero.

Sometimes the easiest person to contact is someone you already know. A former college roommate, old work colleague, or childhood friend may also have become busy and drifted away without either person deliberately ending the friendship.

A simple message, “It’s been a while. Want to grab coffee sometime?” can reopen the door.

Make friendship part of the calendar.

Adult friendships can struggle when you treat them as something that will happen whenever everyone has free time.

That free time may never arrive.

Putting a recurring lunch, game night, or weekend activity on the calendar gives the friendship a place in an otherwise crowded schedule. It also removes some uncertainty about who is supposed to make the next move.

Find groups built around shared interests.

Friendship doesn’t have to begin with an immediate personal connection.

Book clubs, photography groups, gaming communities, car clubs, volunteer organizations, hobby groups, and local classes can all provide a common interest around which relationships can develop.

The shared activity gives people something to talk about while familiarity builds naturally over time.

Don’t wait for someone else to reach out.

One reason adult friendships can fade is that everyone assumes someone else will make the plan.

Taking the initiative can break that cycle.

Invite a friend for lunch. Start a group chat. Organize a regular game night. Ask someone from work if they want to grab a drink or coffee after work.

The first invitation doesn’t have to become a lifelong friendship. It simply creates an opportunity.

Keep showing up

One conversation rarely creates a close friendship.

Closer relationships generally require repeated contact and some willingness to share experiences beyond surface-level small talk. That can take time, particularly for adults who have spent years maintaining mostly work-based or casual relationships.

The key is consistency. Keep attending the group. Keep calling the friend. Keep making plans.

Friendship doesn’t have to look the way it did at 20

The decline in men’s reported number of close friends is part of a larger conversation about adult social connections. The Survey Center on American Life’s research also found differences in how men and women maintain friendships and communicate with friends.

But rebuilding a social circle doesn’t require recreating childhood or college friendships.

For some men, two or three dependable friends may be more meaningful than a huge network of acquaintances. For others, joining a larger community may be exactly what they need.

The common thread is fairly simple: friendships need opportunities to happen.

Sometimes that means sending the first text, joining the local team, scheduling the monthly dinner, or simply asking an old friend, “How have you been?”

A stronger social circle may start with nothing more complicated than making the next plan.