6 Things You Should Never Say to Your Children
As parents, we wield a unique power with our words, one that can shape our children’s emotional development for years to come. While parenting is full of challenges, certain phrases can inflict lasting damage, undermining your child’s sense of worth, emotional well-being, and overall self-esteem.
“I Don’t Have Time for This”
When your child feels that their needs are being brushed aside because you’re too busy, it sends the message that they are not important. Repeatedly hearing this can erode their sense of value and make them reluctant to share their feelings or ask for help in the future.
Alternative: “I’m busy right now, but I will make time to talk to you soon.”
“I Wish You Were Never Born”
This statement strikes at the core of a child’s existence, implying that they are a mistake or a burden. Even in moments of frustration, these words can linger in a child’s mind for a lifetime, leaving scars that shape how they view themselves. This phrase can make a child feel unworthy of love, affecting their sense of identity and self-worth.
Alternative: “I’m feeling overwhelmed right now. Let’s take a break and talk later.”
“Stop Crying. It’s Not a Big Deal”
Children express their emotions through crying, and telling them to stop without validating their feelings can make them feel dismissed and misunderstood. Dismissing their tears teaches them to suppress their emotions, leading to difficulties with emotional expression as they grow older.
Alternative: “I can see that you’re upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
“You’re Just Like [Sibling/Friend]”
Comparing your child to others, whether it’s a sibling or a friend, is a surefire way to damage their self-esteem. It sends the message that they are only valuable if they live up to someone else’s standards, making them feel inadequate and potentially creating rivalry or resentment.
Alternative: “I love the unique qualities you bring to our family. Let’s work on improving together.”
“You Were a Mistake”
Even if your child was unplanned, making them feel like they weren’t meant to be born can lead to deep-rooted emotional issues. A child who believes they were a mistake may struggle with feelings of unworthiness and fear of rejection throughout their life.
Alternative: “You are a precious part of our family, and we are grateful for you every day.”
“You’ll Never Be Good at [Insert Skill Here]”
Telling your child they will never succeed at something is a direct blow to their self-confidence. This phrase can extinguish their motivation and prevent them from trying, as they internalize the belief that they are not capable.
Alternative: “I know you’re struggling, but with practice and effort, I believe you can improve.”
Conclusion
Words matter. As parents, it’s essential to be mindful of how we speak to our children, as it influences their emotional health and self-esteem. The way we communicate with them today has a lasting impact on how they see themselves and interact with the world.
By choosing our words carefully, we can raise children who are confident, emotionally intelligent, and resilient.
